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Everything You’ve Ever Hoped for Waiting There Outside the Front Door, Bleeding to Death

Why we should wait if we can do it right away?

I remember when I was a kid, I vowed that one day, when I had a job, I would like to purchase Anak Mas – one of the most favorite finger foods back then, as much as I wanted. That snack was insane! I would like to spend all of my cash on that. But now, since I can make a lot of hard-cash. The snack disappears.

When I was 9 years old, when all of my friends played with their Beetle Box – or something like that, I forgot. I started to listening Blink 182. A punk-rock band from San Diego, CA. It was weird and awesome at the same time because I was a kid in sub-urban area that listened to a punk-rock band which settled far far away from me. Plus, I was 9 y/o.

I forgot the day, but I remember what I said, that one day, I’m gonna stand in the crowds, watching Tom, Mark and Travis play all of my favorite songs. But now, since I can go anywhere I want and have all access to travel, the band disband. I never have a chance to see them play on the stage.

Have you ever felt the same way? Or, maybe think that everything you’ve hoped are finally gone? Or they are just waiting there outside your front door, bleeding to death.

We waste our time to wait. And feel the pain-in-the-ass named as regret.

I also have lost a lot of chances. I may have stayed in Australia like right now. Hanging out with my French friends and a cat name Siber (My imagination is superb, though). Drinking something juicy from my cold-cup.

But hey! Take a look at me now, sitting in front of 14-inches screen writing all possibilities that have vanished.

I didn’t say that I have a lot of regret. Gladly that I’m kind of person that can easily forgive and forget. But the text from my girlfriend, which like the oxygen between cigarette and gasoline, lit up the fire inside.

I don’t want to be that 54 y.o guy that sit on the hospital bed and think about all the doors that have not been knocked. I want to be 54 y.o guy that tells all the stupid things he did while he was young to all the grandchildren. Accompanied by my lovely wife and a cup of tea on Tuesday noon.

Sometimes I ask my close friends about the mistake they made the entire life and hope that I won’t drive on the same path as they did. That’s how I control my fear about the future.

It is not that I fear of failure. I know that someday Im probably hit the rock bottom. It’s okay if I failed because it means I did something new. But when it comes about failure, it’s not only about me. It’s more about my family, friends and person that matters the most for me, my (future) wife. I just don’t want to make her life miserable because I failed at something.

I fear of failure because I don’t want to disappointing the person who trust me – even I know she will always stands behind me.

Me-to-me, I hope that you understand that life moves so fast. In the blink of eye you are either hit the rock bottom or even touch the surface of the Mars. It’s like with just one click and everything’s gone just like what you wanted since childhood.

You don’t know when or where, but it’s happening. Life changes super fast.

Dear future me, I hope you read this post and feel content with what you’ve been through.

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